


Don't trust me too much

by Lavanyaa



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, How Do I Tag, Lies, Sad, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 22:27:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21216059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavanyaa/pseuds/Lavanyaa
Summary: He really hoped that one day, Arthur would see him for who he was, and accept him.Trust him.





	Don't trust me too much

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not happy with how this one shot turned out... But I'm just gonna post it here o_o
> 
> It was inspired by a tweet I saw, but I don't know if should tag them so... 
> 
> Yeah, enjoy!

Merlin couldn't help but to feel guilty, for many reasons. He hadn't been able to save Gwen from her death sentence, and he hadn't been able to take her place. And he felt even more guilty thinking about how Arthur had immediately denied in front of everyone his own confession about being a sorcerer. 

He didn't believe him. Or he _believed_ in _him_ too much. 

Merlin had always felt guilty whenever the topic of magic was Arthur's main discussion, but today it was a different type of guilt. And just not guilt, but also fear. Not for him, but for Arthur. For his reaction. For the decisions he would have to make. 

Destiny was surely playing with them. 

If Arthur hadn't believed Merlin even if he had admitted it willingly? How was he ever going to tell him about his truth? About his powers? Goosebumps traveled down on his spine as he thought about the day Arthur would come to know about his magic. Not because he was afraid of Arthur. But because he wouldn't be able to face his betrayed gaze, and feared eyes. He didn't want to scare Arthur. But the trust that Arthur had in him, or maybe the full conviction he had about Merlin being just a servant and nothing else started to scare Merlin more and more, every passing days. 

He would do whatever Arthur would want him to do. He would leave, if that was what he'd want. He would let himself be sentenced, if Arthur would order him into it. But he would first try to convince Arthur that he didn't have to fear him. That was the other thing that scared Merlin, that Arthur would look at him differently. That he would start to despise him. It would hurt Merlin beyond words. God, he hated this. He hated to see every day, Arthur talking to him, confiding himself to him, trusting him with his troubles and opinions, with his life, while Merlin couldn't even be honest to him about who he was. Not that he didn't trust Arthur. He did. He trusted Arthur with his life. But Arthur's life was much more important than his hidden secrets, and if he wanted to protect Arthur, he needed to do it by staying in the shadows, invisible to all eyes, especially to Arthur's. But still, it didn't help Merlin's guilt from soaring even higher. It didn't stop the feeling that was eating him on the inside, knowing that Arthur would never forgive him for lying to him. 

He was so focused on his thoughts, he didn't see Arthur walking in, he was brought back from his thoughts when a pillow hit him on the face. 

"What are you doing standing in front the window, being all thoughtful, while you should be cleaning my room, Merlin?" asked Arthur, standing by the other side of the bed, his hands resting on his hips, with furrowed eyebrows and judgmental eyes. 

Merlin looked away from the window, bending down to take the pillow from the floor, without looking up at Arthur, and threw it on the bed, keeping his head down. He moved around the room, still standing by the other side of the bed, picking up clothes which were on the floor, avoiding Arthur's gaze. 

"Nothing." 

"Nothing? This isn't nothing. What you did, in front of my father and the whole council wasn't nothing!" 

Merlin finally looked up, surprised by Arthur's angry and loud tone, and stared at him, confused. 

"Why are you angry?" 

"Why am I- Are you out of your mind?!" yelled Arthur, furiously, his eyes widening, throwing his hands in the hair, staring at Merlin like he had grown another head. 

"I am-" 

"No, you know what? I don't even want to know what you were thinking while doing that, it's gonna make me angrier." said Arthur, shaking his head and walking away behind the folding screen to change his clothes. 

A few minutes of silence passed, where neither of them spoke. Merlin couldn't see Arthur, but he knew he was furiously whispering to himself about what he did. When Arthur came out, fully dressed, he headed to his desk, sat down on his chair, and started scrambling on papers, without sparing a glance at Merlin. 

Merlin picked up all the stuff laying on the floor, and put them on their rightful place, his back facing Arthur, as he stood next to his bed, clasping his hands together, fidgeting with his fingers. Then he turned, and walked toward the desk, facing Arthur, while the prince kept writing down on the parchment, and put the inked feather down when he heard Merlin. 

"Why are you so angry? I was just-" 

"You were just trying to be stupid, again." mumbled Arthur. 

"I wasn't being stupid, I was just trying to save Gwen!" replied Merlin, desperate to make Arthur understand. He never could handle the prince being upset with him. 

"By putting your life on the line?!" asked Arthur, finally looking up and staring at Merlin, anger still present in his eyes, and Merlin noticed something else in eyes but couldn't figure out what it was. 

"Well…" 

"Well?" asked Arthur, one of his eyebrows raised, looking up at Merlin. 

"Nothing. You didn't believe me, anyway." said Merlin, shrugging, starting to walk away but stopped when Arthur replied. 

"Of course I didn't believe you. You actually must be glad and thankful that I didn't believe you.Your confession was absurd." answered Arthur, snorting, and Merlin ignored the uneasy feeling of hurt and guilt which made their way into his heart. 

"Why?" asked Merlin, the word out of his mouth before he thought it through. 

"What, why?" 

"Why didn't you believe me?" asked Merlin, again, even if, deep down he knew the answer, he wanted Arthur to say it out loud. 

"You're joking right?" asked Arthur, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

"Well-" 

"You're literally the worst servant ever." 

"I am not-" 

"And you're way too much self sacrificing to be a sorcerer." 

"I could be both." said Merlin, tilting his head to the side, shrugging, smiling a little as he watched Arthur get up from his chair and walk toward his bed. 

"No, you can't." simply answered, Arthur, shaking his head. 

"Why not?" asked Merlin, almost petulant, with a sad tone and broken look that Arthur couldn't see. 

"Because you're not."

"How do you know?" 

"Because I know _you_, you idiot." 

Merlin ignored the hurt flaring through his heart by hearing those words, the guilt making its way into his mind. 

"You have no way of self preservation, you're way too clumsy and you're a terrible liar. If you were a sorcerer, I would know. You're terrible at keeping secrets." 

"I'm not." whispered Merlin, looking down. 

"What was that?" asked Arthur, taking his boots off.

"Hum,nothing !" replied Merlin, looking up and wearing a fake smile. But Arthur sighed, looking at him with an odd look, before standing up and walking toward him. 

"Listen, I know you're worried about Gwen. I know it's hard to believe what she is-" 

"She is not a sorcerer! She is being set up!" exclaimed Merlin, desperate to make Arthur believe him.

"There is no proof of that!" said Arthur, his voice rising.

Merlin sighed, feeling defeated, and walked past Arthur, too tired to argue. Arthur stopped him, his hand grabbing his arm. 

"I know you want to save her, but sacrificing yourself to do it, is not worth it." 

"But-" 

"I am already losing Gwen, I can't lose you too!" exclaimed Arthur, surprising Merlin even more, by the worry present in his tone and in his eyes. Wait, worry? Arthur's eyes widened, as if he realized what he just said, and started to stutter, by trying to find an explanation for his outburst. 

"... Are you saying you care about me?" asked Merlin, one of his eyebrows raised, smiling teasingly at Arthur, and shrugging innocently when Arthur casted him an irritated look. 

"No, don't be ridiculous! What I meant was… I

I mean… What I was trying to say-" 

"-was that you were worried about me." said Merlin again, enjoying how frustrated Arthur was getting, looking down and agitating his hands around. 

"No, what I meant was that, I- I mean, we, already lost a servant, and it's hard to find a good one these days so-" 

"Wait, are you saying I am a _good_ servant?" asked Merlin, his smile widening, his eyes shining with amusement, as Arthur's eyes widened and his lips turned into a grimace. 

"God, no, I- You know what? I am the prince of Camelot, I don't have to explain myself to you." answered Arthur, letting Merlin's arm go, and walking toward his bed. Merlin watched him walk away, welcoming the humor of the moment, pushing away the guilt and his thoughts out of his mind. 

"Oh and Merlin?" 

"Mmh?" 

The same pillow from before hit him on the face, taking him by surprise. He looked at Arthur, gasping, prepared to question him but Arthur was faster. 

"If you ever do that again, you're going to be rubbing these floors for a _whole year_. Are we clear?" asked Arthur, his voice threatening, his eyes determined and serious, showing Merlin that he was indeed very serious. 

"Yeah." simply answered Merlin, smiling innocently at Arthur, making him roll his eyes. 

"Ugh, get out, Merlin. And bring me some food. I'm starving." ordered Arthur, laying down on his bed, and closing his eyes. 

"Yes, sir." said Merlin, picking up the pillow from the floor, and walking past the bed, before throwing it at Arthur's own head. Ignoring Arthur's loud protests and threats, Merlin escaped from the room, closing the Prince's door, and sighing, his smile slowly slipping away from his face. 

_"Because I know you, you idiot." _

_You do, Arthur. You do, just not the other part of me. _

He really hoped that one day, Arthur would see him for who he was, and accept him. 

Trust him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am thinking about writing a second chapter with Arthur's pov but I am hesitant... Tell me what you think? :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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